


Replay

by ArtisticallyInsightful1



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Abuse, BDSM themes, Based on a Lady Gaga Song, Codependency, Control Issues, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Love Addiction, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Neediness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sex Addiction, Songfic, Written in 1st Person, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisticallyInsightful1/pseuds/ArtisticallyInsightful1
Summary: I don't know what to do, you don't know what to say. The scars on my mind are on replay, replay. The monster inside you is torturing me.The scars on my mind are on replay, replay.WARNING: Abuse, Extreme Co-dependency, Mental health issues, PTSD, and Overall pretty triggering.  (Written in 1st person.)
Relationships: Eddie Gluskin/Waylon Park
Kudos: 30





	Replay

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is based on the new Lady Gaga song named Replay.

Am I, am I, am I

Am I, am I, am I

Am I still alive? Where am I? I cry

Who was it that pulled the trigger, was it you or I?

I'm safe now.

I'm in a bed that is away from you. In my own home.

I'm supposed to be sleeping but all that fills my mind are endless flashbacks. I hate that we've broken up. I want you so badly. I tried dating other people but I need you back. I need you. Another flashback overcomes my senses:

All I can do is blink. You're standing above me with this sickening grin on your face. There's a glint in your eye that's daring me to make a move.

You sick fuck.

I know that you take pleasure in hurting me and for some reason I love it. I love being a slave to you. I could be with literally anyone else and yet I keep coming back to you.

You're so controlling and jealous. Everything makes you jealous. I can't even have friends. Why do I love you? My life has been turned on its head. I need to leave you.

''Darling? Darling are you alright? I-I'm terribly sorry my darling!'' You pick me up off of the floor and I get a full view of your hardness as you squat. You run your hands through my hair and slowly run your hands down my body.

I pull away in disgust. I'm so over the beatings. I can't even bring myself to feel anything other than disgust at myself as well as you.

''W-What's wrong Darling? What did I do wrong?'' you ask softly.

I'm completely numb, why you acting dumb?

I won't blame myself 'cause we both know you were the one

I don't know what to do, you don't know what to say

The scars on my mind are on replay, replay

The monster inside you is torturing me

The scars on my mind are on replay, replay

I can't stop twisting and turning in my bed. I want these flashbacks to end! I keep feeling your hands on my body. As though you are near me. I feel your teeth sinking into my skin marking me as yours.

Replay, r-replay, eh-eh

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay, eh-eh

Every single day, yeah, I dig a grave

Then I sit inside it, wondering if I'll behave

It's a game I play, and I hate to say

You're the worst thing and the best thing that's happened to me

You truly are the best thing that has happened to me. I've never met someone that makes me feel so cherished and valued. I love the deep intense love that we have for each other. I love how you control me. I love how much you smother me. I love it when you get jealous, it makes me feel so loved and wanted.

I hate when your fist collides with my face. I hate that you call me a whore and so many other things. I want your approval, I want you to love me as much I love you. I'm absolutely crazy about you and everything that you do.

You're like a drug. I know that I'm playing with fire but I just can not imagine my life without you. I just can't live without the drama you cause. I require your intensity more than I require breathing. I need you back. Mood swings and all.

I want to kick myself for being so foolish!

How stupid can I be!?

All you do is hurt me.

But I can't get the images of your waistcoat out of my mind, the smell of your cologne, your giant hands on my hips, your cock in my- ugh I'm so very stupid!

I want to call you. I want you to come over and make me yours. No one is as intense as you. No one can compare to you. I've tried to move on and nobody can captivate and control me like you. No one else has your mannerisms and way of speaking. I'm head over heels for you Eddie. I'm going fucking crazy without you.

I don't know what to do, you don't know what to say

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay

The monster inside you is torturing me

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay, eh-eh

You're always so angry. You're always so angry and sensitive. I hate it when you beat me. I hate when you punish me for being less that you desire. But I want you back. I want you because of your intensity. You drive me crazy with desire. I want the fear back, I want the drama. I crave it. No one can keep me on my toes as you can. I don't care if you punch me again I will endure it just to feel your skin against mine.

Replay, r-replay, eh-eh

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay, eh-eh

I'm so scared. My thoughts are filled with all of the times you've hurt me. I'm still healing from some of the things you've done. I don't know if I will ever heal but I no longer care.

Psychologically, it's something that I can't explain

Scratch my nails into the dirt to pull me out okay

I pick up the phone and speed dial your number. You pick up on the second ring. It's 3 o'clock in the morning and you're not the type to stay up all night. I wonder if you've been having the same thoughts that I have. Has the thought of me been keeping you up at night?

I hope so.

''Hello? Darling?'' You sound tired. Have you been sleeping at all?

''Baby...Come over please?'' I beg breathlessly.

I can hear your breath hitch on the other side of the phone.

''Really? I thought you said that I've hurt you for the final time when you left me last week, Darling?'' You ask me your tone is cynical.

Does it matter, does it matter? Damage is done

''Come over please?'' I beg.

''Why?'' You sound very skeptical.

''I just want to see you.'' I lie.

''Tell the truth Darling...'' You chastize.

''I want you to fuck me senseless. You're the only one that can fuck me right. You're the only person that makes me feel a spark. You are the only person on my mind. You drive me fucking CRAZY!,'' I whine. I feel as though I truly am losing my mind.

Does it matter, does it matter? You had the gun

''Darling...your language...Are you sure that you really want to see me? Huh? How do you really feel about me?''

You had the gun

''I love you. You're the only one that can please me! You the only man I care about.''

''Say it louder.'' you are absolutely breathless on the other end of the line.

''Say what louder?'' I ask confused at which part you want me to repeat.

''That you love me and I'm the only man you care about. Also, I am the only man that can bring you happiness! I'm the only man that can meet your needs!'' Eddie exclaims excitedly.

You had the gun

''You're the only man I care about! You're the only man that I love. You're the only man that can meet my needs!'' I say louder.

''LOUDER!'' you shout into the phone,'' And tell me that you'll obey all of the rules I have set for you! No hanging out with your friends! I am much more important than they will ever be!'' You exclaim.

You had the gun

''YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN I CARE ABOUT! YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN I LOVE! YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN THAT CAN MEET MY NEEDS! I WILL OBEY! I WILL OBEY! I WILL ALWAYS OBEY YOU! I WILL NEVER DISOBEY YOU EVER AGAIN MASTER!'' I shout in submission.

''That's right my pet,'' you say sounding satisfied.

Here we go again...

I don't know what to do, you don't know what to say

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay

The monster inside you is torturing me

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay

You're here in a flash. You waste no time putting my collar on me and beating my ass raw with the paddle that you put my name on. You always beat me when I misbehave.

Your monsters torture me

After you're done with that you began choking me and shouting at me. I struggle to stay conscious as you speak to me,'' Never leave. Never disobey me again pet. You are mine to control. You are my property do you understand that? You'll never find a man better than me and you fucking know it! So don't even try to go back to being the fucking whore that you are!''

You throw me to the floor.

''SLUT!'' You shout in my face and yank my hair in all directions. You're practically dragging me across the floor by my hair.

Your monsters torture me

''I-I'm sorry Darling...'' I whisper attempting to calm you down.

You slap me across the face before becoming your chipper self once more.

Your monsters torture me

''It's no problem Darling...I'm just glad that you've come to your senses...we have a wedding to plan! Aren't you overjoyed my love? We'll spend the rest of our lives in marital bliss! Oh Golly I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Darling! I am nearly bursting with joy!''

The scars on my mind are on replay, r-replay

I smile up at you and nod in agreement,''Yes...I am so joyful...I can not wait to pick out a lovely wedding gown my love.''

''Oh no Darling...I'm making one just for you...just for me to peel off of you the night of our wedding right before we consummate our love. Your gown will be absolutely gorgeous Darling! Trust me!''

I grin and giggle as butterflies fill my tummy. I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. I'll never disobey you again.


End file.
